Matrim Cauthon

"Women are like mules. Wait. No. Goats. Women are like GOATS. Except every flaming one thinks shes a horse instead, and a prize racing mare to boot. Do you understand me, Talmanes?"

"Pure poetry, Mat."

"Reasoning with a woman is impossible. It's like... Well, reasoning with a woman is like sitting down to a friendly game of dice. Only the woman refuses to acknowledge the basic bloody rules of the game. A man, he'll cheat you - but he'll do it honestly. He'll use loaded dice, so that yu think you're losing by chance. And if you aren't clever enough to spot what he's doing, then maybe he deserves to take your coin. And that's that. A woman, though, she'llsit down to that same game and she'll smile, and act like she's going to play. Only when it's her turn to throw, she'll toss a pair of her OWN dice that are BLANK on all six sides. Not a single pip showing. She'll inspect her throw, the she'll look up to you and say, 'Clearly I just won.' Now you'll scratch your head and look at the dice. Then you'll look up at her, then down at the dice again. 'But there aren't any pips on these dice,' you'll say. 'Yes there are,' she'll say. 'And both dice rolled a one.' 'That's exactly the number you need to win,' you'll say. 'What a coincidence,' she'll reply, then begin to scoop up your coins. And you'll sit there, trying to wrap your head 'bout what just happened. And you'll realize something. A pair of ones ISN'T the winning throw! Not when you threw a six on your turn. That means she needed a pair of twos instead! Excitedly, you'll explain what you've discovered. Only then, do you know what she'll do?"

"No idea, Mat."

"Then she'll reach over, and rub the blank faces of her dice. And then, with a perfectly straight face, she'll say, 'I'm sorry. There was a spot of dirt on the dice. Clearly you can see that they ACTUALLY came up as twos!' And she'll believe it. She'll bloody believe it!"

"Incredible."

"And that's not the end of it!"

"I had presumed that it wouldn't be, Mat."

"She scoops up all your coins. And then every other woman in the room will come over and congratulate her on throwing that pair of twos! The more you complain, the more of those bloody woman will join the argument. You'll be outnumbered in a moment, and each of those women will explain to you how those dice CLEARLY read twos, and how you really need to stop behaving like a child. Every single FLAMING one of them will see the twos! Even the prudish woman who has hated your woman from birth - since your woman's granny stole the other woman's granny's honeycake recipe when they were both maids - THAT woman will side against you."

"They are nefarious creatures indeed."

By the time they're done, you'll be left with no coin, several lists' worth of errands to run and clothing to wear and a splitting headache. You'll sit there and stare at the table and begin to wonder, just maybe, if those dice didn't rad twos after all. If only to preserve what's left of your sanity. THAT'S what it's like to reason with a woman, I tell you."

"And you did so, at great length."

"You aren't making sport of me, are you?"

"Why Mat! You know I'd never do such a thing."


Just a quick scetch, ya know. And with the best scene with Mat and Talmanes right there. Well, that one and Mat's big plan. XD

Enjoy!

(BTW, he's holding the fox head medallion in his hand if you can't tell what it is. XD)